Lady Kiwi's World: April 2011

Friday, April 22, 2011

Its Lady Kiwi steppin' on the stage
This seems to be a realization age
I'm almost 16 and i'm still pretty clean
that's why there's not many words on my page

I try to do my best
i try to fix the mess
I try to pass the test
I want to be blessed
but it's so hard to progress
with all this stress,
yet, nonetheless,
it's my turn to impress them.

and cold bittersweetness of my mind
blocks my way to the path
if that makes sense
making me tense
and trace and pace the lines
between dreams and reality, slowing down my times

I guess now it's time to represent
Okay... what do I say? I'm not the president.
I'm just 15...
OKAY ! I got it
I'm just realizing
that I'm a resident
Of this cruel, corrosive, crazy world.
People look at me ? "Oh! She's such a sweet girl!"
No i'm really not, but that's all ya seem to see.
Let me live my life. You will get the best in me.

Who's it to blame that I'm going insane
with the crazy idea of being able to reign?
what if i fall from the sky, like goodbye
like a teardrop in my eye. I don't wanna tell no lies.
Because I've lied. And that not only hurt
me but those who cared. That's why they ain't here
And that's why now I stare
Into the bright lights
something always seems to fight
something always seems to die
But it's time to revive

Thursday, April 21, 2011

I Don't Have Many Words . . .

but i just wonder...
when does GOD expect me to realize
what he has in store for me
because it seems like
everything in this world is just too crazy.
Like i don't understand .

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

And As I Lie to Go To Sleep

i pray thee LORD my soul to keep ,

and in the morning , should i wake
let me live for Jesus' sake .

AMEN .

Picture Perfect

What You See Here...
Are not my real eyes
they are picture perfect
edited till they look like shining diamonds
gleaming in the sunlight with their ghostly stare
piercing into your mind, yet reeling your spirit closer to mine
only for me to push you away
Once you realize that you must use your magnifying glass,
you'll realize that these eyes are not real .
they are lies .
There for your eyes must not be real either
Because your eyes did not realize that my eyes were not real eyes but they were only lies.
They are edited . Picture Perfect.
And it should end there.

So Now, I Realize

A new chapter has begun.
You think you're number one.
Ha.
That's cute, son.

I have said all that I needed to say.
No more words need to be said.
For a wise mind once told me,
"If you have nothing good to say,
Don't say a thing."
And you wonder why I stay so quiet . . .

I Hope You Do Realize...

I hope you do realize
the lies that you hide.
Because Real Eyes realize Real lies
But you're nothing close to real...
'cause see this chapter of my life is not yet closed
In fact, it's just begun.
It's a whole new section
Called "The Realization"
Because I don't let my creativity take a hold me
therefore the cover of the book is yet to be seen.
But when you flip the pages and look deeper,
you will see the gears doing their job
grinding and switching gears
moving information from one conveyor belt of the mind to the other
till my brain is overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions,
and I'm left wondering. . .
Why?

Never Let A Fool Lead You On . . .

or I will sodomize your integrity .

Friday, April 15, 2011

Day of Silence

   Yes, I did participate. I have so many gay, lesbian, and bi friends, and they're all the best of the best people. Therefore, I always try to support them whenever I can. I want to live for the day that they will make it a federal law that it's illegal for states to keep two people of the same sex from marrying. How dare a government tell someone who NOT to marry? Then all the abuse and mistreatment the LGBT community has to go through on a day-to-day basis? It really makes me sad. I don't understand where a lot of people are coming from with the hate, and it always confuses me.

   Sooo the silence. I'm not gonna lie, it was really hard, but I actually liked it. I know my loudness is obnoxious, but at times it's almost uncontrollable. Back in middle school, I spent so much time trying to be like the other girls, that even after they changed and tuned it down, their habits still became a part of me. My mom is usually the person who will tell me I'm being loud and then I'll come to the same realization and feel as if I was just yelling at the top of my lungs. It bothers me, and I want to change that, but it seems so natural, almost. I slipped about 3 or 4 times today. I was really only little whispers, but I noticed that it was never when I was talking to someone. It was always my opinions about things that I struggled to keep quiet about. Things I saw around me that I wanted to vocally respond to, but decided not to, or maybe my words slipped. It was a slight realization for me. What I realized? I actually don't know, but I just know that that's an important factor to something about me and who I am. I just need to think it through and dig a little deeper into myself . . .
   Eww. Dig. I don't wanna uncover all of that. But I guess I'll have to sooner or later...

I Mean... I Guess

I Mean... I Guess...
Its a phrase that I've had to say very often
because its clear that i'm not sure what's in front of me
i would be able to see what is in front of me
by looking behind me,
but there is an opaque glass pushing against my back
and when i try to turn around, all i see is the dark gray fog
clouding my judgement.
Yet, they like to say that "real eyes realize real lies."
And though that might be true,
But the question still remains: Who's really real?
I've kept my eyes on the prize
Since I once heard on the wind's breath,
"obstacles are the things that come only when
you take your eyes off of the beauty of the world
that you see," and want.
before you realize it, it's these obstacles you flaunt.
I've had my share of trials and tribulations
Sorry my life doesn't come with instructions.
That's why I make mistakes.
But you have no reason to judge me.
For this is who I am, and this is who I was meant to be
before i was formed in my mother's womb,
this was destined to happen. For i am becoming
a beautiful creature. I might be on the dark side of the fence
but don't forget that I am a dark fantasy,
And what the Lord has in store for me?