07.21.2011

See now the dark side has passed over
my mind's no longer getting colder.

just reading your words
lightens up my heart.
you're the best masterpiece
a work of art <3.

07.21.2011

7:49 AM

7:49 in the morning.
Ain't been asleep all weekend.
And your face is what's been on my mind.

I don't remember exactly how we connected.
i just know that i cannot seem to take it.
i'm already so sprung
so many times i've said i was done.

you don't even have to speak
yet you draw me closer to you...
it's just something 'bout you...

you're gonna have to get a restraining order
because i can't ever
stop.
thinking about you...
watch me go crazy
my mind's getting Hayezier
as i try to spell out my words

but its a fact
that the more i'm attracted
the further you go...
and you already know.

i'm just saying we could be something..
i mean something more than just a summer fling
...you i'm just saying, i could be your new girl.
i'll blow away your world...

Delusional

I sit here standing in the mirror.
And I'm just thinking to myself...

I wish my vision would get clearer...
I feel so apart from everybody else.

I feel delusional
And it's all in my heart.
The only one loosing
seeing is believing
I guess it's okay not to be okay

DELUSIONAL.
I'm being shoved in the dark.
And there's nobody moving
there's nobody proving
that's its good to stay who you are...
no... no, no.

I'm standing looking in the mirror...
And I'm thinking to myself.
Why is everyone else is so much dearer.
Might as well put my talents on the shelf.

I'm feelin' delusional.
It's broken my heart.
Seeing is believing
Ain't nobody proving
That it's okay not to be okay

Feel like a fool.
I'm caught in the dark.
There's not much I'm receiving
Seeing is believing
Who said to be just who you are...?

i'm just staring in the mirror.
And i realize i don't know myself...

Moment of Glory

I'm not sure if I'm turning non-social. And now even "social" is barely even a word.
I just feel so alone in a crowded place. My voice is rarely ever heard.
Yet, a handful of perplexities become more a part of me. And every time, I do believe it does affect my self esteem.
I'm just an extra body that they put on the line. But they don't know that I'm a ten, and they are a five.
Yet it seems like I'm more and more disliked. There's something inside of me that people feel like they have to fight. Well, whatever it is, it's hard to hide. I keep getting my confidence confused with my pride.
But, at least I've stopped lyin'. When I overcome a challenge it makes me feel like a lion. There is a beast that lives within, and I'm not sure whether or not I should let it win.
People laugh and they joke when they see the things I do. But no one really ever knows all that I've been through. The only way you could really know is if you listen to and analyze my songs.
But for many people, that takes way too long.

As for me, and my story? Well, I'm just waiting for my moment of glory.

I Am.

I am.
Slowly suffocating.
Sinking into the ruins of what was and what used to be--
Used up to the halfway point but to the max.
Marching slowly through the downpour of sins
Waiting on Christ to rescue me from the familiarity of the unknown in which I stand.

Alone.
At peace.
Not with myself but with the kinder more vivid creative creations of the world that seem to whirl me into a fantasy full of blogs and wonders of trees and nature and twizzlers and green.

The Unseen.
The unburied...
Life.
The pathways to which I started.
Shrinking yet growing bigger all at the same time. I haven't reached the line , but I've found an equilibrium to where those ends meet, because I will not be stuck in the same place forever.
It is this. I am unsure.
But I claim my doubts and accounts for what's really real.
All the creative yet gory ideas and imaginations I'd steal.
Because they're just that good. But, you know nothing of that neighborhood.

Be good or be good at it. Be automatic.
Race for the finish line. . . Against time.
Because in the end











It's all worth it.

Desperately Seeking Sanity

I'm desperately seeking sanity.
It seems like I've been buried in water so deep
And no matter how many time I keep trying to get back up
The crashing waves just make me more and more weak.

They keep saying "Next week... Next Week..."
But when is that gonna come?
I want to live my life NOW.
I want to have fun.

I need to get things done.
There's so much I need to do
But how can I accomplish all of it,
When Im'm feeling so damn blue

Once again I look to the blue sky
I hope my hope won't die
This isn't what I like,
but no matter what, I'll try....



<3.

Grammy's Substance Abuse Music Contest

      So I had some ideas for this music video, but I'm not sure if it's gonna be possible because it's most likely going to be really expensive. Either way, here's my ideas:

 

      After listening to the beat multiple times and coming up with moods and pictures in my head, I thought the video could start out really dark and surreal. I could be in goth makeup and my clothes would be all black except for one accessory on me that would be really bright or neon. 

    I'm in a dark-lit jail cell with all these guys who have been arrested for substance abuse. There are tons of them... rows and rows of cells and they're all locked up with sullen, confused, and ashamed faces. In the begnning of the song I start talking to them about what they did, how bad it was, and how it affected them and the people they loved.  

     Part of the beat does this weird swirly thing where it kind of gives you almost a high feeling. That could transition to a scene where I'm talking to the kids who are currently encouraging substance abuse, warning them not to do it, telling them how horrible it is for their bodies, telling them to live healthy, etc. Towards the end, it'll flash back to the jail cell, and I'll be showing the kids what will happen to them if they continue. 

      I was also thinking that the jail cell could also be a metaphor for how some people get addicted so much that it's almost as if their trapped and bound to certain drugs or unhealthy habits. 

     Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure my non-existent funds will not supply the making of this non-existent video -__- But it's worth the dream :]