Monday, May 30, 2011

My Dance Crew

If you don't already know, I really want to start up a dance crew this summer. I'll get into the kinks and problems and BS of the people who are in it so far later, but here's a few pictures of just the ideas I cooked up.

I was thinking of maybe having two dance crews within one. There could be the dance crew as a whole, but then within that, I could have the chicks vs. dicks so to speak.

For outfits, I would definitely want the crew to be colorful. Dry is out.

Gotta get with them formations. They are so tight.

Little stunts.

Frienship of course and tight place to take pictures


. . . and for the guys crew there could always be an exception when it comes to me :]

For the girls crew we'd need to be on point and freaking fabulous.

On point.  Fabulous.

Possibly crew as a whole. I know I'm going to start out with more people than I'm going to end up with, but hopefully I can dwindle it down to the best dancers.

Oh Yes. That would be me sitting there, as the captain of the crew.

Young Girl. Big Dreams.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Trust No One

So , what is it? I'm just not good enough?
It seems like that's what it is.
Don't spare me my feelings.
Tell me what I missed.

I don't care if you're mean.
I don't care if i'm hurt.
By hiding the truth,
You're throwing my Heart in the dirt.

I just want clarity.
I want understanding,
But we won't get that
If we don't know where we're landing.

So now, I see.
This door has closed.
I'd jumped the fence
While the question was posed...

Where's the door?
What do I do?
I know my next encounters

will never again be related to you .

I'm done.
Today's lesson: Trust No One.

Friday, May 20, 2011

The War through the Door

Now that there's more words on my page,

I've stepped into a fresh new age.

As one door opens, another door closes

I'm beginning to break out of my cage

I always do my best
I've almost fixed the mess
I try not to regress
I am VERY blessed
I'm tryna let go
of all this stress
Yet, nonetheless
They are still tryna test me

Though I have overcame fear,
there's still alot that I need
to go through here.

Not tryna waste my time,
But things are boutta rhyme
I'm tryna keep it all in flow
I gotta stay in line.

Yes, now it's time to represent
I know just what to say
I ain't gon' be bent
I'm almost 16.
Yes, I've got it.
I try not to be mean
Like others were sent
to this cruel, corrosive crazy world.

People look at me, "Why's she such a mean girl?"
No, I'm really not...
Why's that all that you now see?
Let me life my life.. you will get the best in me.
A handful of perplexities becoming more apart of me
And now it get s so hard to breath
But know that I must believe
I'm tryna fight the lies,
and conquer all the fights
I'm tryna be alive
I'm tryna see the lights

Yet in my heart, I know
wherever I go
It's the LORD's love for me that will show
and He'll open the door.
He will give me more.
I'll never hit the floor,
Cause he'll help me through my war . . . <3

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Fantasy Vs. Reality

Now , you've got me in your fantasies
These thing you said,
I know I'm about to believe
You've poured a gallon of hope in my heart
Manipulation? You've mastered the art.
The Domination of the absence of your presence
Reveals to me many life lessons.
I can't leave you
     with a sack of my trust.
The smiles, the stares...
     and internal lust.
I've taken apart every piece of you.
Don't underestimate what I can do.
Because I promise, that if we're through,
I'll have become something new.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A New Chapter: There's the Door

Love does not grow inside of me.
I grow with it.
Flipping my reality
Into something different.
My dreams, they soar.
Voices... they yell.
There's two doors.
And, one leads to hell.
However, I will be elevated
High into the sky.
Forever soul-mated.
The "good" in goodbye.
Yes, it'll be me,
Solid and true.
Just me along with you.

Behind another Door...

This seems to be a new chapter.

The room is empty.
And there is no one to lend me a helping hand.
The tears of blood-stained lust have been set on fire...
My heart beats no more.

In spirit, you said you'd be there.
Yes, you led me on.
But once again a separate reality clouded my judgement,
And I fell in love with... gave my heart to... someone or something that didn't even exist.

I'm looking now.
With my real eyes.
I can't stand the lies
That keep being told to me.
I've tried and I've tried.
       But now, I've had it.

Doors and Walls.

The wall that separates us was built long before I got here
I spent so much time
Wasted so much breath
and lost so many words,
trying to get past it.

But you're blocking me out without realizing that you are.
The lines are unclear.
I try not to fear
what your next words will be.
In your words it's uncertainty I hear.

I imagine myself in your arms.
Your clueless innocent charm
radiates throughout me.

But the door is already closed.

Confusion is All She Feels

You don't need to know
what I am...


It's not like you even care.
and YOU! why do you
act like you love me?
You're so just not Fair.

Now I have you in my heart
but in a different compartment.
I can let you out,
but the lines I've drawn are so clear yet unclear because even though they're not there they still exist and
i'm trying to let you go.
I've closed my eyes
Held the tears in.
I don't know why but I didn't want to cry.
I want to be in your arms
And feel your warm embrace.
I want to taste your lips
and stare into your face

But I can't.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Real Eyes Realize Real Cries

See, Real Eyes Realize Real Cries...
This cry was real.
The tears are now dry and you can see the small drops of blood hidden behind the footprints of what used to be. The remnants of insanity.
Remnants of what had been there are still alive and they make me dive into the sky and turn my world upside down. Then I turn around and realize who I have become... a little.
These tears might be real.
but they are not normal. For they don't know why they even fall.
The Realization is painful, and yes it runs deep.
It runs deep.
The pain runs deep.
I've buried something Deep Down Remote Into the Ground,
a place where it could never be found...

I've just realized.
It's something
I can no longer



I now see that you're clearly not the boy for me. I thought I'd found hope and faith and lust. But you were just like the rest. Worse in fact. You came to me with a picture of a heart in your hands. However I thought it was real, for only real eyes realize real lies... but who says I'm really real?
     I searched for what would never be there. A friend. A lover. An affair. But just as we had a small dust particle of connection, the wind blew it away. I was left stranded, not knowing whether or not I should chase after that piece of dust and try to find the connection again.
      Should I try? Because I still have yet to know what you will see in my real eyes and I'm tryna see if I should just move to the other side and forget about some things that are real.
      Its time to heal.
Not that I've been hurt just now, but the pain from years ago has come around, and I'm left asking... Why?
Yet I kind of know why and I kind of don't. I'm almost there, I haven't missed the boat... yet.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


Small Desires

It Has Grown Inside of Me

Your words scream and the letters
Yet the lines within them
        do not exist.

I can hear the echoes of
what hoes use to
jeer creeping back up to the surface.
...Only this time, it is not becoming
a part of me.

I'm surrounded by an invisible force field.
the words you said years ago
no longer pierce my self esteem in it's tender heart.

I have changed for the better.

And as I have advanced, you have regressed.
Your state of mind sends negative vibes
to my force
causing me to twitch.
But I won't even itch.
I keep my eyes open.
Bluntly staring at the direction I want to go...
the only way i can fathom your presence
is something i don't yet know. But,

It has grown inside of me.

Awkward Silence

And there's nothing left to say
for even this is an awkward silence...

You're speaking too much
for my mind to hold all the words

So, They Say:

Real eyes Realize Real lies
And i'm trying to be the closest thing to real.

slurpin up and sippin up the savory desires
of what i thought i left behind me.
but it turns out i've buried it even deeper
        into the ground.
the lies people used to say no longer
        make a sound.
I'm waiting for my chance
        to conquer.
I'd rather be a mystery
Something unseen.
A beautiful dream
Waiting to be dreamt.
Waiting to be kept
and sent back into reality

because the sunlight in my eyes touches
my skin and bounces off my pores
releasing positive productive energy
to the human beings around me
causing me
to produce raining virtue...


Silence is the loudest piercing noise
And everyone seems to be yelling at
me and it's killing my ears
for their blank stares carry
more anger and frustration than
their eyes can fathom and their
words can describe.
I want to close my eyes
and listen to the strange silence.
the noise that fails to be
for it is only heard when I am awake.

the shallow expectations of the
world scream in my ear
making my ear drums tingle
and causing my heart to beat.
I realize...

But I look up.

See now things of this world are
not relevant.
superficial desires-- just barely.
I can only be who I am
and by discovering who that is,
I will gladly stand
against hate but for hope
no need to sit around and mope. For,
if love guides my way
that's how i'll forever stay.

sincere in the light.
I'm here to fight this fight.


The idea that an idea can be planted
in one's mind, then tentalized and
revitalized into mental action.

Who planted this idea in me?
Who is it to blame
that I'm going insane
with the crazy idea
of being able to reign?

Who told me
to be whatever I wanted to be
so now i want to be everything
And it's going to be
hard to stop me.

A Realization Age. The Beginning of a Revolution.

I keep hearing these crazy voices around me.
I'm tired of being sad while everyone else is happy
Real friends are so far
Fake friends are near
I don't feel like a star
There's more things that I fear. . .

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Because when you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for other people isn’t such a big deal.

- Abed Nadir